Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My kingdom for a Controller... wait.. what kingdom?

I’m still getting too much of the ‘slow down your speech’ please thing from everyone I interact with. I’m astounded at how elementary they think this is. Am amazed at this Chinese aversion to speed given the fact that their slowest local trains run at 260 kms/hr! In India, we don’t have planes that fly at that speed! And hey… have you heard how the Chinese language is spoken? Does anyone have the speed guns trained at their voice waves?!!

Well people, while there may be knobs that can be twisted to shriek out louder, there really isn’t one that can be twisted around to control the speed of one’s speech. People think it’s as simple as getting out of your jeans and into a pair of shorts. Well I have news for you. It’s more like getting a gender change… radical and totally personality change. Get a gender change and going to the loo you discover that you can no longer do what you’ve been doing all your life in the way you had been doing it! It’s THAT drastic!

To be fair, I’ve tried a lot… I’ve tried breathing slowly to keep the pace a little lower. I’ve tried pausing between sentences and words… making my speech seem ludicrously insane. I’ve even tried taking two washroom breaks in a single paragraph to give the students time for the message to sink in! Nothing is working! The mind-mouth coordination (a lesser known sibling of the hand-eye coordination family) does exist, and messing with the mouth messes with the mind for me!

My theory is that some things in life are God gifted and you shouldn’t meddle around with them. You need to do it the way nature intended you to. Ever had 4 bottles of beer in a club, have a gestation of say 3 hours… entered the washroom for an extremely urgent and uncontrollable release and been told by the attendant: ‘Sorry sir… our receptacles here have a volume inflow constraint. I urge you to trickle and not gush’. I challenge you to try that and revert to me on how easy it is to slow down when nature intended you to zoom!!

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